Deviating a bit from my usual format for this one, so bear with me. Thanks. It’s also a bit on the long side, so be forewarned.
As some have noted in recent weeks, a lot of my writing has carried a darker tone, and a lot of my comments refer to being discouraged.
Guilty as charged.
I have been quite discouraged, yes. I’ve been mostly discouraged with the art of writing (not that I consider myself an artist by any means) and the nature of blogging itself. To the point that I have seriously considered giving up both.
Why? Well, that’s where it gets a bit convoluted.
First, my life has been quite tumultuous since December of last year. Losing a job, going back to school, getting a new job, leaving that one, and starting a new one, with multiple schedule changes attached. All in the span of about ten months.
To say it’s been a hell of a year is putting it mildly.
Second, I have spent the better part of the last three or four months in varying degrees of pain or discomfort. From neck and back, to other internal health issues, the amount of days I have been pain free are probably countable on one hand. Maybe two if I push the definition.
And I am very aware that there are many in much worse pain than I am, but that does not diminish the mental impact being uncomfortable almost every day has on a person. I have had days where it took me 25 minutes just to get out of bed. It wears on you.
Third, it doesn’t help that quite frankly, I am not a big fan of my writing. If you ask around, there are some here that can tell you I often outright refer to it as garbage. I am deeply grateful to all of you out there who read and enjoy it, and I thank you sincerely. But to my own eyes? I find it painful to read sometimes.
Fourth and finally, the act of blogging itself. It can be a true grind, can it not? I know I am not the only one who feels this way. Everyone says don’t put pressure on yourself to post. Take a break when you need it. And I am 100% positive that we all mean it. But it’s almost always there, isn’t it? That little buzzing in the back of your head telling you that you should post something, or get out there and read/comment/like, etc.
And if you happen to look at the stats, and you see them plummet like a stone? Forget it.
Next thing you know you’re obsessing over views and likes, trying to figure out what the hell to do to improve them, and getting frustrated when the needle barely moves. Even more so when you see others blowing by you at what seems like the speed of light. You start wondering just what the fuck it is you’re doing wrong and questioning all your decisions as far as direction.
Is it natural to want to grow our pages? Hell yes. We all want to reach as many folks as possible. Is it natural to give yourself fits over it when it doesn’t grow as fast as you’d hoped? Nope. Or, more accurately, it shouldn’t be.
Do people really understand if you disappear for a bit? I think so. I think it’s more in our own minds that we think they don’t.
Is the transactional aspect of blogging frustrating? Yes, it can be. If we let it. Again, guilty as charged, because I have let it frustrate me at times. But, it is what it is, and let’s be real, folks. Most every form of social media, hell…life, is these days.
So, I am sure you are asking yourself right now what this long-winded tirade is leading up to (if you actually made it this far, I tip my cap to you)?
To put it bluntly, I am going to do what the hell I want, when the hell I want.
And so should you.
If you are one of those who doesn’t have the aforementioned relationship with writing/blogging, then I salute you. If, however, like me, you have gotten too caught up in it and too frustrated at times, welcome to the club.
Will the day come when I do decide that I am giving up writing and posting? It may. Who can say for sure? Until that time, I will write/post when I feel it, and when it’s not vibing with me, I just plain won’t. I am sure I’ll still have fits and spells of discomfort with it, but that’s natural. It’s a process, as they say.
For the moment, I have made my peace with it, and I guess that’s better than nothing.
Stay Frosty, y’all.
The Beginning At Last 
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