Note: Something I read today brought this old post to mind, so I decided to put it up again. Changed the featured image and made some small edits, but the piece remains unchanged beyond that.
Everyone loves to be loved. It’s just a simple fact of life. We humans are social creatures and we need some degree of interaction with others.
We also love to win. We love to be recognized for doing a great job. It’s makes us feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
However, the problems start to occur when we crave recognition and validation constantly. When it becomes our be all, end all, it creates a vicious cycle that can never be satisfied.
It’s like the millionaire who never has enough money or enough toys.
The new Lambo is sweet as hell, but six months later, that new Rolls is calling your name.
That next hit of dopamine is just ahead. Calling you, beckoning to you. So off you go, chasing the next big thing. On and on it goes ad nauseam.
Validation can be the same way. You get that public recognition for an incredible job. You get that rep as the clutch player. Maybe you even get some stroke and it becomes a bit of a power trip.
You want it. You crave it. Hell, you need it to survive. It’s as powerful as any drug in the world, and nothing can satisfy it except the next “atta boy”.
Am I saying we shouldn’t keep embracing challenges? Or that we shouldn’t have goals? That we shouldn’t keep finding mountains to climb?
Absolutely not.
I’m saying you need to keep it all in perspective. Ask yourself why you are taking on this newest challenge.
Are you doing it in pursuit of personal improvement and growth? To help your fellow men and women?
Or are you doing it in search of another pat on the back? Has the last hit of dopamine worn off and you’re suffering from withdrawals?
Since I’ve been out of work I have had a lot of time to think and reflect. One of the harsh realizations I am coming to terms with is that as much as I love helping others and contributing to the growth of a team, some of my motivations were purely selfish.
I was on the constant treadmill of seeking external validation.
Growing up I was constantly in an environment where nothing was ever good enough.
Got a B+ on the report card? Should have been an A.
Did 20 push-ups? Couldn’t get 30, huh?
Many, many years of that whittles away at you slowly, almost imperceptibly.
Even years later in my working life, some less than stellar bosses reinforced that feeling of inadequacy.
Processed 9,995 wires in a shift (a record, mind you)? Too bad you couldn’t get 10,000. That would have been awesome.
So what did I do? Did I acknowledge to myself that my boss at the time was an idiot and that I did one hell of a job?
Nope. I got mad as hell and pushed myself harder, bound and determined that I’d get that recognition I rightly deserved.
I set multiple performance records, I climbed my way up the company ladder and yes, I got that recognition that I deserved.
But it wasn’t enough. It was never going to be enough with the mindset I was carrying.
My confidence had been whittled away so much that I had created a world within myself where I needed that recognition just to survive.
When I got it, all was good in the world, but when I didn’t or when I failed, things went off the rails. I’d fall into deep depressions and bouts of self-loathing. I’d resent others around me who had accomplished great things and label myself a loser.
So…back on the treadmill I’d get, trying to be the hero of the day. The martyr. The savior. The Man.
And do you know where it got me?
It got me sick, tired, bitter and jobless.
Self-evaluation can suck, particularly when you see yourself for what you are or what you’ve become.
But it can also be a great gift.
These past couple weeks have been a revelation to me in multiple ways. I’ve seen the things I need to work on, but I’ve also seen how far I have come and that I have a lot to be proud of.
Several people have reached out to me the last two weeks to see if I am ok and to thank me for everything I did for them.
The support has been overwhelming and humbling. The gratitude I feel can’t be described. To know that you have impacted people’s lives in such a positive manner is a far greater feeling than any award can ever give you.
It reminded me that despite all my flaws, I have a lot to offer to this world and my fellow human beings. It’s shown me again that my purpose is to make a positive contribution in this world. To leave it a bit better than I found it.
Tom Brady once said something to the effect that he never recalled once saying he wanted to be the best in the world. He just wanted to be the best he could possibly be.
If you demonstrate the right behaviors and take the right actions, the rest will fall into place on it’s own.
So, take on those challenges. Climb those mountains and keep pushing.
Just make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons.
© The Beginning At Last
The Beginning At Last 
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