09/21/24: This is an older post I wrote back when I first started this blog. The tone of my site has changed a lot since I wrote this, but in light of recent events, and on the off chance it may help someone else, I am going to go ahead and repost it.
Sometimes when we face challenges in our life, I believe for a lot of us, the first instinct is to lean right into the negative. Depending on the circumstance that led to the challenge or problem, we might even beat ourselves up repeatedly over it. If we screwed up and caused the issue, even more so.
I have a nasty habit of beating myself up whether the issue was my fault or not. A lot of that goes back to my longstanding need for external validation.
That craving to be recognized for a job well done. That constant need to know you matter or that you belong. That Sisyphean stone that will never reach the top of the mountain.
One of the things that has helped me out a lot the past couple weeks is the concept of self-distancing.
There are a few different techniques one can use to do this, but the one I have been utilizing is taking the external perspective.
I will state that I am not a certified healthcare professional or therapist. I am merely relaying what has helped me thus far.
In taking the external perspective, you would essentially talk to yourself like you would talk to a friend, using second-person pronouns like “you”, or use your own name.
You might say, for instance, “Why do you think you feel this way?”, or “Kevin, why do you feel like this?”
You could also use it for affirming self-talk, like, “You screwed up, but it doesn’t have to define you.”, “You do deserve that promotion”, etc.
When our family and friends are going through a difficult time or are low on confidence, we do everything we can to comfort, reassure and build them up. Why do we not afford ourselves the same courtesy? Why don’t we treat ourselves like a friend?
Some people seem to have a built-in, never ending well of confidence to draw from and it seems to spring from them almost automatically. I am beginning to feel that we all have that well within us – the difference is some of us need to work a bit more to get the water.
The next time you’re feeling unsure of yourself or you have the urge to beat on yourself for something that may or may have been your fault, take a minute and say a few simple words:
“You’re good. You’ve got this.”
The Beginning At Last 
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