Dear G-Man,

β€”

by

in ,
Daily writing prompt
Write a letter to your 100-year-old self.

Dear G-Man,

You’re 100 years old now. I bet you’re the sexiest son-of-a-bitch in the nursing home.

How old were you when Laura finally got sick of your shit and tossed your ass in that prison cell? You always were a pain in the ass.

Did the kid disown you too, or did she actually stay loyal, unlike most kids when Mom or Dad become a burden?

Did they let you keep your guitar, or did they take it away because you kept that prick upstairs in Special Care awake all night? Screw him. If you can’t play “Eruption” on your axe, play “Wipeout” on the bedpan instead. I’m sure that’ll piss him off just as much. Pun intended.

Did they sedate you after they caught you doing pullups at the nurse’s station? They have no respect for physical fitness, I swear. I bet it was the one with the big attitude and powdered sugar around her mouth who put a stop to it. God forbid you interrupt her fifth meal of the morning.

One thing you were always great at was pissing people off and getting a reaction. Hopefully, that hasn’t changed.

And hey…

When you close your eyes for your final nap at 167 years old, please do so with a smile on your face and a middle finger raised high to the sky.

You didn’t always do things the smart way, but you definitely did them your way.

Now get upstairs and hide that rich bastard’s gold-plated walker. He hates it when you do that.

Raise hell and leave a trail of busted up shit in your wake.

Rock the F on,

G-Man

And yes, the above is written in jest with tongue firmly planted in cheek. πŸ˜„

Have a great day, peeps.


Comments

105 responses to “Dear G-Man,”

  1. Wonderful post 🎸🎸

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, my friend πŸ™

      Like

  2. πŸ˜„πŸ˜„
    Such an entertaining read !

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you very much, Ajita! 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  3. In addition to Gorilla Mart, you could open a chain of Gorilla-brand nursing homes πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Ah, a multilevel conglomerate. I love it! Next…national pizza chain! πŸ•πŸ•

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Lol… This is great! Would love to see Laura’s response in a post. 🀣

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Oh, she’s probably gonna kill me πŸ˜„

      Liked by 2 people

      1. πŸ«£πŸ˜‚

        Liked by 2 people

      2. 🀫🀫🀫

        Liked by 2 people

      3. Payback soon maybe?
        Although when least expecting is preferable πŸ˜‡

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I think the payback is coming sooner than I think 😑

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Now now…shhh 😜

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Uh huh…🀨

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Not all who wander are lost Avatar
    Not all who wander are lost

    Hellraiser even in the nursing home huh? πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t plan on going too quietly, nah…πŸ˜„

      Like

  6. This was great, Kevin! 🀩

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Nancy! I figured a dose of humor was a good break form the dark woods. lol

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You thought right!

        Well done, Kevin 😎

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thanks, Nancy. Very glad you liked it! 😊

        Liked by 1 person

  7. πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„
    nice post Kevin!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Daisy! Have a wonderful day! 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Wishing you a wonderful day as well!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you! 😊😊

        Like

  8. ‘fifth meal of the morning’ 🀣🀣 love it!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Some of them nurses are downright shameful!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. And this from someone who would know! πŸ˜„πŸ˜„

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I mean you get to hear me bitch every morning at the state of the profession so what’s your take, mister manager man? πŸ€ͺ

        Liked by 1 person

      3. It needs some serious help. Some places more than others, indeed. Accountability would be a nice start. On time, perhaps? πŸ€”

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I would enjoy one time once in a while myself! πŸ™„ imagine that, being on time…a basic condition of working

        Liked by 1 person

      5. It’s apparently not as important as it used to be.
        Silly us. Being at work when our shift starts. πŸ€·β€β™‚οΈ

        Liked by 1 person

      6. I feel like a moron just for following some β€œsupposed” rules. Show up at anytime. Do work, maybe.

        Liked by 1 person

      7. Clearly, we’re doing something (everything?) wrong lol

        Like

    2. I mean…am I wrong? πŸ˜„

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Nope! 🀣 πŸ˜† so sad!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’ve seen the menu choices you’re faced with some days in there in a pinch. πŸ˜„

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Don’t ask me Kevin 1. I’m not a nurse and 2. I’m only on my second breakfast – oh crap, that means I’m a hobbit. πŸ˜‚

        Liked by 2 people

      4. 2nd breakfast! 🀣 πŸ˜†

        Liked by 2 people

      5. Paging Mr. Baggins! πŸ˜„πŸ˜„

        Liked by 1 person

      6. 🀣🀣

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Daniel (Silver Swan) Avatar
    Daniel (Silver Swan)

    You’ve got the right attitude, dude, even as a cantankerous Silverback!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Daniel! I’m not going quietly. The hell with that notion πŸ˜„

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Hey hey hey, come on!! I can’t put you anywhere and allow you to aggravate other nurses πŸ€ͺ
    That privilege is only for me! πŸ˜‡

    Seriously though, was hilarious ❀️ I’m sure you will always be your feisty and fiery self which I love very much 😘 yes, even with all that attitude πŸ₯°
    Maybe you should’ve been a cat? πŸˆβ€β¬› πŸ˜†

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Looking out for your brothers and sisters in arms, I see. πŸ™„
      I can respect that πŸ˜‰
      I think the day I stop agitating people is the day I hang it up for good πŸ˜„πŸ˜„
      And, I’m not worried. I think you’re more than well enough equipped to deal with me. You’ve made it this far after all πŸ˜„πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’ve got me on here replying to every dang comment but my own 🀣 I see the love of agitating most definitely doesn’t extend to those who care for you πŸ€ͺ pain in the … 😘 and yes, it’s been a feat. And it hasn’t even begun *technically* yet 😜 πŸ˜‰ lolol ❀️

        Liked by 1 person

      2. My demeanor has a charm all it’s own. What can I say? πŸ˜„πŸ˜„
        Getting all technical now, eh? πŸ™„πŸ˜‹πŸ˜‹
        πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“

        Like

  11. Now this my friend is a well written letter. Trying to get off easy by thinking the caffeine queen would put you in prison, you both will be laughing you ass off reading it as you roll those wheelchairs down the exit ramp escaping back to nature. Acoustic sounds will ring as you mis pick your favorite VH. Rock on brother, this is great!!!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. With tons of coffee to boot! β˜•οΈ πŸ₯Ύ 😁

      Liked by 2 people

      1. But of course πŸ˜˜β˜•β˜•

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Thank you, Big Dawg!
      I think I may have grown on her just enough that she won’t toss me in there, but you never know for sure πŸ˜„
      I couldn’t resist having a bit of fun with this one. Why be proper when you can raise a ruckus? πŸ˜„πŸ˜„

      Liked by 1 person

      1. OH YEAH…nursing homes are going to hate me when the day comes lol.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Dawg on the loose!! Duck and cover! πŸΆπŸΆπŸΆπŸ˜„

        Liked by 1 person

  12. Thanks for the fun read and laughs!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My pleasure, Robin! Have a great day! Thank you! 😊

      Like

  13. “middle finger raised ” , I love it , i literally was doing a serious work and I started laughing, nice and funny to read kevin , this is my fav post πŸ€©πŸ€©πŸ€©πŸ€©πŸ‘ŒπŸ‘ŒπŸ‘ŒπŸ‘ŒπŸ‘ŒπŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ˜‚

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks my friend. I figure we might as well go out on a defiant note πŸ˜€

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Ha ha Laura will not put you in prison

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks for the vote of confidence, Thomas! πŸ˜€ At least someone knows I wouldn’t do that to him (how he thinks could I let him aggravate others that much is beyond me!) lolol πŸ˜†

      Liked by 2 people

      1. We’ll seeπŸ˜€πŸ˜€

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Well I guess we’ll see in a few more years lol

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Oh stop that!

        Liked by 2 people

      2. πŸ˜„πŸ˜„

        Like

  15. 167? πŸ˜±πŸ˜‚ You must absolutely love life lol

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m going to hang around extra long just to spite people LOL

      Liked by 2 people

      1. 🀣🀣🀣

        Liked by 1 person

  16. A gem of poetry.
    G-Man would be proudβ€”probably flipping you off while reclining in his stolen gold-plated wheelchair.πŸ˜€πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

    1. As long as that son of a bitch upstairs doesn’t have the wheelchair I’m happyπŸ˜„

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Glad G-Man’s still got the VIP seatingβ€”let’s just hope the big guy upstairs isn’t planning a wheelchair tax! πŸ˜‚β™Ώβœ¨

        Liked by 1 person

      2. He can’t tax what I didn’t pay for πŸ˜‹

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Careful, Kevinβ€”he might charge interest in the afterlife! πŸ˜‚πŸ‘ΌπŸ’°

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Talk about a haunting debt!

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Ghost tax! πŸ‘»πŸ’Έ

        Liked by 1 person

      6. That means it doesn’t exist to me! 🀣

        Liked by 1 person

      7. Perfect! I’ll tell the IRS you said that. πŸ˜†

        Liked by 1 person

      8. I will deny it!

        (And tell them you framed me)

        Liked by 1 person

      9. Great! I’ll include that in my official statement. πŸ˜†πŸ“œ

        Liked by 1 person

      10. I was speaking off the record, sir…

        Liked by 1 person

      11. Oops, too lateβ€”already notarized. πŸ˜†πŸ“‘

        Liked by 1 person

      12. Careful taking that to the mailbox. Hate to see you have an…accident. 🀨

        πŸ˜„πŸ˜„

        Liked by 1 person

      13. Notarized and weaponizedβ€”mail with caution! πŸ˜†πŸ“¬
        And if an ‘accident’ happens… well, I was never here. πŸ˜‚

        Liked by 1 person

      14. Indeed. No one was anywhere, actually…🀨

        Liked by 1 person

      15. Exactly! This conversation? A mere illusion. 🫒✨

        Liked by 1 person

      16. What conversation?

        Liked by 1 person

      17. Precisely. We were never here. πŸ˜†

        Liked by 1 person

      18. “We” who? πŸ€”

        Liked by 1 person

      19. Exactly! This conversation never happened. πŸ˜†πŸ•΅οΈβ€β™‚οΈ

        Liked by 1 person

      20. What conversation? Are you confusing me with someone else?

        Liked by 1 person

      21. Who are you, and why am I here? πŸ€¨πŸ˜‚

        Liked by 1 person

      22. Who’s on first?

        Liked by 1 person

      23. Lost and found, both in progress! πŸ˜‚

        Liked by 1 person

      24. That’s multitasking right there!

        Liked by 1 person

      25. Efficiency at its chaotic best! πŸ€Ήβ€β™‚οΈπŸ˜‚

        Liked by 1 person

      26. Is there any other way?

        Liked by 1 person

      27. Well, chaos is the only thing that truly gets the job done… eventually. πŸ˜œπŸ”§

        Liked by 1 person

      28. Or it leaves a bunch of busted up stuff in it’s wake πŸ˜„

        Liked by 1 person

      29. Ah yes, efficiencyβ€”just with extra debris! πŸ˜†πŸ’₯

        Liked by 1 person

  17. […] Dear G-Man, […]

    Like

  18. “How old were you when Laura finally got sick of your shit and tossed your ass in that prison cell?” πŸ˜‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Don’t encourage him lol πŸ˜†

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Hey now! 🀨🀨

        Liked by 1 person

      2. *sticks tongue out at you*

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Now, that’s not very nice.
        I knew you were planning on throwing me in that prison! πŸ˜‹πŸ˜‹

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Oh stop it! No, I would never do that. I clearly have to write a rebuttal (in the works) lolol we’ll see how long it stays in drafts

        Liked by 1 person

      5. I might be in the nursing home for real by the time you post it 😜🀣🀣🀣
        Teasing, of course 😘😘

        Like

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