When I first clicked this pic, I had thought to write a poem as an accompaniment to Inner Mounting Flames.
But, as I sat here sipping my coffee and listening to “Road To Nowhere” by Ozzy Osbourne, a switch inside me flipped and I decided I’m just gonna speak my piece.
“The wreckage of my past is haunting me. It just won’t leave me alone.”
This line from the song has always spoken to me, which is ironic, as I tend to dread looking back on shit. Which is probably also exactly why it sticks with me.
I don’t talk about it too much, but I have made mention in the past of my wife’s passing. I still prefer to keep it mostly to myself, but for better or worse, it was a significant portion of my life.
To say that it took a toll on my mental and emotional well-being would be a massive understatement. Anyone who has ever been a caregiver can very likely relate. The gamut of emotions we run is vast – feelings of triumph, tragedy, and yes, even anger and resentment, are often strong and sudden.
I spent a lot of years feeling like I was, indeed, on the road to nowhere.
Some days, quite honestly, I still do feel that way.
“Through all the happiness and sorrow, I guess I’d do it all again.”
Do I still have days where I feel sad or angry about the way my life has unfolded? Yes, I do.
Do I still feel remorse or guilt for the times I resented my lot in life and felt tremendous anger towards someone with illnesses that they had little control over? Absolutely.
But, I also realize that I am human and sometimes our emotions make little sense.
When you feel completely helpless and powerless in a situation, it wounds you in indescribable ways.
And, this is not just in reference to my wife’s illness or passing. There’s been way more than one situation like that in my life. That is just one example.
Oftentimes, I end up down a rabbit hole kicking myself in the ass for multiple stupid decisions in my life, or reliving anger over situations where I had little to no control.
I thought “mediocrity” was my mantra. My buzzword.
“Doomed to a life of mediocrity” felt like a mission statement more often than not.
But today is slightly different.
Today, I raise my middle finger and say quite bluntly “Fuck mediocrity.”
Mediocrity is nothing more than a temporary balm.
It may feel okay to be “average” and fly under the radar for a hot minute, but eventually, that balm wears off and what are you left with?
More pain. More regret. More nothing.
Ladies and gentlemen, if you take nothing else away from this rambling treatise, please take this:
Fuck mediocrity. I, and you, are so much more than that.
Swung three times and struck out? Throw your bat at the pitcher and start a bench clearing brawl. Go big or go home.
Throw hands, raise hell and revel in it.
Maybe you’re down and out right now, and that’s okay. Just don’t stay there.
As Van Halen once said:
“Get up and make it work.”
To close this out, I want to take a moment to express my gratitude for the friendship, care, love and happiness that I have found, not only here, but in my life overall.
I could speculate on where I’d have ended up had I made some different choices in my life, but instead of wasting time on that, I am just going to say “thank you” and march proudly forward.
Have a great day and get out there and get yours. You fucking deserve it.
The Beginning At Last 
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