Five Things I Have Finally Come To Terms With

After reading this post from Pooja G I was inspired to do my own version of this list. She has graciously allowed me to link her post as well and I am truly grateful! I encourage you to check out her unique take on this list also.

It really registered with me as the last month of this year has been one of massive change and coming to grips with a lot of things about not only life, but myself as well.

1. Burnout Is Real

Prior to the end of this year I thought “burnout” meant “cop out”. I thought, loosely translated, it meant “one more excuse to avoid work”. To be clear, I am not talking about healthcare, essential workers, civil servants, etc. I have served in the military and I have friends/family members involved in healthcare, education and civil service. I have the absolute highest respect for the work they do and the challenges they constantly face.

When I looked at other fields, like my own, and people cited burnout, however, I’d mentally roll my eyes and saw it as a red flag that there must be tasks to sidestep. I got caught up in the constant need to grind and prove myself. I sacrificed sleep, relationships and some would probably say my sanity, until I burned myself completely out, which partly contributed to why I am in my current situation. While there will always be some people using terms like this to duck responsibility, burnout is a real thing and more probably suffer for it than we’re even aware.

2. Asking For Help Is Not A Sign Of Weakness

If anyone has read my posts about seeking external validation or my very first post on WP, then it probably won’t surprise you that I thought asking for help was a huge sign of weakness. A little bit of time away from the situation and some harsh self-appraisal showed me otherwise. The irony is that I had no problem at all telling other people that there was no shame in asking for help. But my ego, arrogance and burning need for recognition made me blind to the fact that I too needed help and made myself weaker by not asking for it. A chain may only be as strong as it’s weakest link, but a lone link is no chain at all.

3. We Cannot Control Everything

It used to drive me absolutely insane when things would go wrong for no apparent reason and there was nothing I could do about it. OK, maybe it still does a bit, but at least I acknowledge it now. Baby steps, folks.

In the manufacturing world this often meant machine down times for mechanical problems, staffing issues, supply chain issues, etc. I would get downright pissed off if I had to shut a line down because I ran out of material. Sure, I would pivot and fire up another line, but inside I would be seething that I couldn’t run the hot machine that was on backorder. Of course, it didn’t help that upper management would often throw stones at the wrong person (i.e. me in this case) for the line being down, which I would own and internalize adding to my frustration. but at the end of the day, I didn’t work for supply chain, so why was I pissed off?

There’s so many things in this world that are not up to us. The only choice we have is how we react. Let it go and don’t let that anchor drag you down.

4. You Can’t Please Everyone

Again, this goes back to the topic of seeking external validation. We all want to be liked and loved. We all want to win and be seen as Champion Of All Things Awesome. We want to be needed and feel like we matter. It’s just human nature.

But human nature also says that we’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea and nothing we can do will ever change that. And trying to be something you’re not is going to scream “completely inauthentic” to most everyone around you. I’m not talking about trying to change and improve yourself here. I’m talking about a total 180 where you abandon yourself and your values to gain favor with others. It won’t matter because they probably still won’t like you and worse, you really won’t like yourself.

Be damned proud of who you are and what you stand for. Embrace your uniqueness and hold your head up high!

5. Mistakes Are Inevitable

This, much like item number 4, is a fact of life and it’s less about the fact that mistakes/failure will happen, and more about the fact of how we react to it. I have made several mistakes in my life and some very, very recently. Typically, I would carry them around like a boat anchor, beating myself non-stop into submission.

Now, I try to frame them as a learning opportunity. How can I improve from this? What could have gone better? While I look back at it and try to learn from it, I now try to stop myself from dwelling on it. It serves me no good purpose.

The other key, perhaps the biggest, is in learning to forgive yourself. Once you’ve learned from it, forgive yourself and move on. Come back bigger, better and wiser. Even if everyone around you issues forgiveness, until you give yourself permission to move on, you will be stuck on a constant treadmill of rumination and regret.

In closing, if you made it this far I thank you very, very much for reading and I hope you enjoyed this post. If you have any lessons you’ve recently come to terms with, please feel free to share them in the comments.

Memento Mori