The Beginning At Last

First Day Of School!

—

by

Kevin
in

And, man…Do I so not want to go.

Anyone who’s been reading along might know that I signed up for an 8-week course recently, and I am also looking at pursuing an associates degree after that.

I’ve been pretty psyched up for it the past week or so, but now that it’s here I really want nothing to do with it.

Isn’t that always the way though?

As I sit here typing this I can’t help but think that all these exciting new adventures wouldn’t be available to me if I hadn’t lost my job last month.

And right now that thought really pisses me off.

I’m pissed off at myself for spinning out of control.

I’m pissed off at my former managers for not looking out for me better.

I’m pissed off at all the supposed friends who seem to have forgotten I exist in the last three weeks.

I’m pissed off that I have to rebuild my freaking life from damn near square one.

I was comfortable in my old job. Despite the stress, the aggravation and the constant ego clashes, I was comfortable, damn it.

Stockholm Syndrome, anyone?

Yes, I’m feeling angry right now. Bitter? Check. Defeated? Roger that.

All that said, I’m gonna push forward anyhow.

Why? Well, first and foremost, I have no choice.

But, just as importantly, when all is said and done, I’ll be better off for it.

Now I know that I need to set boundaries within myself and with others.

Now I know just who my true friends are.

Now I know just like the album title says: Satisfaction Is The Death Of Desire.

I was comfortable and I was satisfied with my lot in life.

I guess it’s time I learn to adjust my comfort level.

I was settling for less than I should have, and perhaps that’s the thing that should piss me off most of all.

Never stop reaching. Never stop trying.

Peace, y’all.

Comments

26 responses to “First Day Of School!”

  1. DeadSoliloquy Avatar
    DeadSoliloquy

    The one constant we will always have is ourselves. I used to say change instead of ourselves but at this time in my life it’s the aloneness in this life that stands out phenomenally. People come and go, friends sometimes don’t know how to manage others current sets of circumstances. Touches too close to their fears.
    You’re doing well ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Kevin Avatar
      Kevin

      Thank you. I’m trying, I guess that’s half the battle. I’m pretty comfortable with the way I’ve handled things so far, but some days not so much. I guess that’s the point of rebuilding. Tear it down, start again, hope it’s a bit better each time around. Rinse, repeat.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. DeadSoliloquy Avatar
        DeadSoliloquy

        I don’t think I could ever completely tear things down or I’d be entirely defeated. However, I do get your point and agree.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Kevin Avatar
        Kevin

        Yeah, I was using that term loosely. There’s degrees to that. Some remodeling projects need more than others lol

        Like

  2. Pooja G Avatar
    Pooja G

    I’m sorry you’ve been feeling frustrated and I do understand where those frustrations are coming from. However, I think the best thing you can do right now is focus on yourself. Even if you’re on your own and your friends aren’t staying in touch. Take that as an opportunity to make the most of this course without any distractions.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Kevin Avatar
      Kevin

      Hey Pooja, thank you. You’re 100% right and that’s mainly what I’ve been doing. I’ve spun this whole situation fairly well, but I still have my moments. Today was one of them I guess lol
      Hanging in there, though.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. Pooja G Avatar
        Pooja G

        Keep hanging in there. Hope everything goes well with the course.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Kevin Avatar
        Kevin

        Thanks, Pooja! Started off well, hopefully stays that way lol

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Pooja G Avatar
        Pooja G

        Lol, fingers crossed.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Kevin Avatar
        Kevin

        Thanks. I need all the luck I can get! LOL

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Pooja G Avatar
        Pooja G

        Lol, sending some positive vibes your way. I’m sure it’ll go well if you give it your all. Although, I may not have always done that in uni so I don’t blame you if you don’t lol jk.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Kevin Avatar
        Kevin

        Luckily, I got bumped up a level or two and everyone can go at their own pace, so I won’t get bored and lose interest. The class is really flexible. I’m doing the night sessions, but I can hit day ones if needed too, which is pretty sweet.

        Liked by 1 person

      7. Pooja G Avatar
        Pooja G

        Oh that’s nice, it’s good you have the option of going during the day or night.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Melissa Avatar
    Melissa

    The day is almost over now, so how did the first free class go?

    Even though you didn’t want to go at first, did you have a good experience today?

    Your anger is understandable. If I were you, I would’ve been angry too. At least from this experience, you know who is truly your friend and who was fake all along.

    In this life, it’s so hard to get a second start, so perhaps the fact that you have to start everything over from ground zero is a blessing in disguise. No matter what happens, please know that I am rooting for you, Kevin.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Kevin Avatar
      Kevin

      Hi Melissa, I’m mostly ok with the whole thing. I wasn’t feeling that well when I awoke this morning, so some of that probably tainted my view of things. That. and someone told me something that kind of pissed me off this morning.
      I’ve gotten better at letting stuff not get to me, but from time to time, it happen regardless.
      The class went well, thanks. I got bumped ahead to some more advanced lessons, so that was kind of cool. I think once I got there, I was ok. I think some of it was just the apprehension of being back in a classroom after so long.

      I truly appreciate the positive vibes that I’ve gotten from you and so many others. It makes a lousy day a lot easier. Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. Melissa Avatar
        Melissa

        Hi Kevin! I’m happy to hear that you’re finally OK with everything that happened yesterday. I hope that all your studies continue to go smoothly.

        I understand how having a bad morning can cause one to have a crummy mood throughout the day, but it looks like everything turned around once you stepped foot inside the classroom. I guess you also had a slight case of the first day jitters.

        You’re welcome, anytime. I’m just happy to hear that I made a slight difference in your day yesterday.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Kevin Avatar
        Kevin

        Yes, you did. thank you very much. I truly appreciate it.
        Yes, today was a much better day than yesterday thankfully. Part of it was apprehension about going, so now that that is out of the way it’s better too.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Classy-Chaos Moms Avatar
    Classy-Chaos Moms

    I also want to know how your Day 1 was Kevin.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Kevin Avatar
      Kevin

      Hi Sharon, it went pretty well, thank you. I got bumped up to more advanced lessons, which was cool.
      I took 5 assessments and scored 91, 93, 97 and 99 on the first four and 78 on the fifth. 85 is needed to pass and get credit towards the certificate, so I will be retaking that one.
      All in all, the day ended far better than it started.
      Thank you so much for asking. It’s deeply appreciated.
      How are you, my fellow newbie?

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. Classy-Chaos Moms Avatar
        Classy-Chaos Moms

        Wow. You did really well. I’m honestly proud of you even though we don’t know each other. Your determination, your willingness to start over and keep going is inspirational. Good luck on your Day 2 of school.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Kevin Avatar
        Kevin

        That’s truly great of you to say. Thank you so much, I am truly humbled. Day 2 should be a bit better now that today is out of the way.
        Reading your most recent post, I see you have done some pretty inspirational things yourself!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Classy-Chaos Moms Avatar
    Classy-Chaos Moms

    I appreciate your kind words. I understand what it means to start over. It’s bold and brave, and sometimes you feel like giving up but you pick yourself up and keep going… one step at a time.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Kevin Avatar
      Kevin

      Yes, and I know I’m not the only one who feels that way at times. Everybody does – it’s just to what degree that’s different, and it’s all relative. What might seem like a big deal to me might not to someone else.
      And I appreciate your kind words as well. Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  6. Avatar
    Anonymous

    Look To Jesus

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
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