One topic I seem to hear coming up over and over in discussions with my friends is the topic of “weird vibes” and subtle airs of toxicity either in their personal or professional lives, and sometimes in both.
“Toxicity” is one of those buzzwords I try to avoid, but unfortunately, it’s often the most accurate descriptor for a less than ideal situation.
Some folks are outstandingly toxic and may as well be wearing a neon sign stating such.
Others, however, are a bit more stealthy about it and wander around with a veneer of sickeningly sweet happiness and a propensity for playing the victim.
They are true ninjas highly skilled in the art of deception, and not always so easy to spot.
They are often (but not always) the ones who volunteer to be on every committee and go on about how no one cares, there is no camaraderie or teamwork, no one else wants to help out, no one is friendly, etc.
They will try to give the impression of being friends with everyone, but will not hesitate to slyly exclude certain people from their circle who might have an opposing viewpoint or don’t quite “fit in”. If you question why they left so and so out, they will play it off as an “accident” and claim it will be different next time around. Usually, however, it is not.
They will depend on “so and so” being too hurt or pissed off to want to deal with them. They can then conveniently claim that it is the other party’s fault and that they were more than willing to work with, hang out, or interact with them.
They will also find subtle ways to make you look bad in front of your friends, coworkers, etc.
A little “joke” about one of your lesser qualities, an email regarding an error you made with a select group of people tagged on it, and so on.
If you get offended, they will often go into victim mode and claim you took it the wrong way, they were only kidding or were just trying to help.
They rarely want to look you in the eye and discuss the issue. Instead, they will go to everyone else but you and tell anyone within earshot that you aren’t being fair to them, you’re being unreasonable and/or trying to single them out.
Much to my chagrin, I’ve fallen into these ninja traps before and kicked myself hard after the fact for being weak-minded/stupid enough to do so.
These subtle assassins count on your vanity and emotions to be your undoing and will continue quietly pushing buttons until they get their desired result. It’s their version of death by a thousand cuts.
Through hard experience I have learned that the best way to deal with these people is plain avoidance whenever possible.
Barring that, the next best option is silence.
Remind yourself what this person is like and what they are trying to do. Their actions are not a reflection of you, but of them. It’s their insecurities they are trying to conceal by projecting onto you.
Don’t give them the satisfaction. Know your worth and let your actions speak for you. They are far, far louder than any words you can hope to speak in your own defense.
It is not always easy, but if you can avoid the little poison darts these people throw at you, eventually they will give up and move on, looking for their next victim.
Victory through silence.
©️ The Beginning At Last
The Beginning At Last 
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